I had a crazy thought last night when I lay in bed trying to fall asleep. I'm closer to BabyT's 15th birthday than my own. (14 years vs. 20!) How the heck did that happen? When did I get old? It was long before my conversation with TJ last week that began with "I was listening to NPR, and ...". Because dude, only old people listen to NPR. Arghhh.
Anyway, I must have been a resilient 15, because that was a tough year for me. The kind of stress I was under then would send me to bed for weeks if it happened now.
Let's see, there was senior year in a high school I was *SO* done with, the stress of applying to (and getting into!) a decent engineering college, extracurriculars after school and every freakin' night of the week, dealing with the obligatory horrible high school breakup and resulting drama, a weekend job at Arby's, and the usual teenage angst with my parents and life in general.
It would have made a world of difference to know with certainty that all that stuff would come together and I'd have the life that I wanted. I often marvel at how lucky and blessed I am, and how much easier life seems to be now, even with the current not-sleeping, baby-hubby-work-house-dogs-craft craziness. I feel like I have choices and leisure time, rather than everything barrelling down the train tracks at 150mph with every decision and activity needing to lead to the Right Choices to set me up for future success.
Wow, do I not want to relive my teenage years. And hopefully I'll have the grace, strength and understanding to guide T through hers. And I'll be even more OLD then. Sigh.
When did you realize you got old?
I realized I was old when I got tired just listening to our 16 year old baby sitter talk. And hearing her cute little ideas about the world.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about high school! No desire to ever go back there!
Dang it! Do you have to share these midnight thoughts? I'd never thought about age in that way. Sheesh. The boy turns 13 in 28 days. 13 in 28 days!!!!! Do you know how old that makes me feel? A T.E.E.N.A.G.E.R. One of those creatures we used to be. How the heck did that happen? Honestly, weren't we walking between the G side and B side just yesterday?
ReplyDeleteIt wasn't the first time I felt old--I think that was maybe when I realized that the "just yesterday" when I was in college had actually ended eight years before, or maybe when our teenage babysitter talked about going to see The Fray and I said, "Oh, I like them" and then realized that that was probably totally revolting to her--but I really felt it when I met my son's kindergarten teacher, who looked like a total teeny bopper. Shortly after the beginning of the year, she had her 25th or 26th birthday, and I was like, "OMG, she's so young!!" Even though I was 27 when I had said son. I guess having a kid ages you precipitously. Now I must be REALLY old, because I have to think twice and sometimes do the math to remember exactly how old I am (34).
ReplyDeleteI was listening to a 12 or 13-yo talking to her grandmother the other day and she talkedreallyfast and actually used 'OMG' as a word. It totally cracked me up. Because it's not actually any faster than saying "oh my god". heh.
ReplyDeleteYeah, I think kids make us old FAST.