Paul Simon, Sisters, Golden Cricket, and no more Target Photo

About 3 weeks ago I was on my way to get my 20-week ultrasound done, where we would finally find out the sex of Baby X'. A song I had never heard came on the radio and I fell in love:



Specifically the part where he says "my mama loves me, she loves me like a rock".  That, and the gorgeous sunny day were a great accompaniment to this Big Deal appointment. 

And then I was so excited to find out Baby X' is a girl!  T is going to have a sister, which is something I really wanted for her.  It doesn't guarantee they'll be BFFs, of course, but I like the idea that they might be.  If not while they're kids, maybe when they're grown up.  A mama can dream, right?

But wait, that's not all!  The second trimester goodness is going strong.  TJ painted my new craft room a gorgeous shade of lime green/chartreuse yumminess called Golden Cricket.  It's a magical color - looks like a pale spring green in the early morning, a minty green at night, and a gorgeous lime during the day.  It's so different depending on the light and delights me every time I see it.

He and his cousin J helped me move all the big furniture in there, and I've gotten nearly everything set up the way I want it (still working on the final bits and pieces).  I love it, maybe even more than my old craft room - everything in there is something I use and love and has a logical place.  It fills me with a sense of peace and crafty possibility every time I set foot in there.

One of the things in it that makes me ridiculously happy is my brand new Canon PIXMA Pro printer, scored new in box from Craigslist for an awesome price.  Canon is running a huge rebate deal for people who buy a DSLR camera and a printer together, so a lot of folks bought the printer and sold it  just to get the deal.  It prints photos like a dream, and the first batch I tried are good enough that I don't have to rely on Target Photo anymore to process my weekly Project Life photos.  Hooray.

All these little things are conspiring to make me very happy lately.  What's good in your life these days?

Project Life: March 2012 Catch Up

I'm diligently working on catching up with Project Life.  Last night some friends came over for Craft and Cocktails, which really was just Craft, Chat and Pig Nose Pretzel Chips with Mascarpone Cheese (yum) and the odd glass of wine so I used that time to work on Week 2 of our April Ireland trip.  But before I post that, I'd like to post all 5 weeks of March! Click on each photo to see a larger version.

March was an exciting month for us.  T said goodbye to her daycare friends and teachers and started her new preschool.  TJ celebrated his *redacted* birthday.  We got ready for our trip.  We had a date night at Canlis.  It was the end of the first trimester of my pregnancy with Baby X' and we finally told everyone about it. T had her last physical therapy session and we said goodbye to Miss Carrie, her therapist for the last 18 months. TJ quit his job.

Feb 27-Mar 4 - endings and beginnings

Mar 5-11 - short on photos!

Mar 12-18 - art projects and Kirkland waterfront

Mar 19-25 - more art projects and Canlis

Mar 26-31 - Baby X' goes public and TJ quits

I needed to *do something* about the huge binder my Project Life pages live in.  Thinking it would be fun to be extra-crafty, I bought an American Crafts chipboard binder. It mocked me for months with its incompleteness.  I wasn't sure where to begin with decorating it, or how to cover it with something durable. (Sometimes my crafty aspirations get the best of me.)

I debated just buying another binder which didn't need any covering, but decided to get over my fear, and try *something*.  If it gets trashed, I can get a new binder later.   So I used some of the Project Life coordinating cardstock, some phenomenal adhesive sheets from ThermOWeb, letter stickers, rub-on transfers, and a bunch of Mod Podge decoupage glue to seal the whole thing.

sometimes a girl just has to face her fear and pick up the damn glue

Not bad for a first try, but it wasn't perfect. I didn't cover the entire binder surface with those adhesive sheets because they're expensive, so when I used the decoupage glue, the paper that wasn't stuck to the sheets bubbled a bit. However, it looked better once everything dried, thought not as perfect as I would like.  I cut the ribbon for the edges too short so it's already starting to fray at the edges.  A better trick would have been to fold it over the bottom, or use Fray-check.

I did the same thing with the inside covers and the back, with varying degrees of success.  The back bubbled horribly and looks awful.  I tried to sand it a bit to make it look "distressed" and now it just looks like it got run over by Bubba's truck.  I'm not sure what to do about that, and whether a second layer of paper will make it better or worse.  Sigh.

But I love this project.  It's gotten me to jump headfirst into scrapbooking.  Since I'm capturing a little of T's preschool work each week (usually), I don't feel bad about throwing away the steady stream of papers coming into our house.  I'm starting to explore all the great crafty resources online - there are people who offer free printable cards that fit perfectly into the slots of the page protectors, as well as those who post great ideas about *what* to put in if you're short on interesting stuff or totally flaked out on taking photos that week.

One thing I discovered after perusing others' Project Life layouts online - I'm primarily approaching this like an annotated photo album, while other more seasoned scrapbookers are much more crafty about the whole thing.  They have tons of journaling, embellishments, and whitespace, while I primarily fill the slots with photos and then use what's left to tell the story.  I've noticed as I get more practice,  my crafty skills are increasing and I'm having more fun with the non-photo slots.

So yay.  And every week, as I get closer to reaching that elusive state of "being caught up", I feel a pretty hefty sense of accomplishment.  I have tangible evidence of my craftiness to hold in my hands.  *That* is why I do this.

All the Money in the World: Book Review

Laura Vanderkam was nice enough to provide me with a copy of her book, All the Money in the World: What the Happiest People Know About Getting and Spending.  I devoured it in a few hours which is pretty remarkable because I am really not into reading personal finance books.  Her writing is crisp and clear and the examples and stories were again relevant and useful, like in her previous book, 168 Hours: You Have More Time Than You Think.

What I liked about this book was that it was far more about the *philosophy of money* and what it could do for you, more than tactical tips about budgeting or doing crazy frugal things like washing out Ziploc bags for reuse (which she does talk about but in a different context.)

This book wasn't quite as useful to me as 168 Hours, simply because as a family we are on top of our finances, thanks to my fabulous hubby who actually likes that sort of thing.   But it was an enjoyable read, and the exercises at the end were useful to clarify priorities in life, which can then inform how we choose to spend our money. 

There were some really interesting ideas in there, too.  One was creating the "perfect weekend" full of fun things to do.  It was couched in terms of cost, and how "perfect" doesn't automatically mean expensive, but that section resonated with me more on the time management/planning side than the financial side.  We often fritter away our weekends doing non-essential stuff, and not planning ahead, and on Sunday night we mourn that we didn't *do* anything with our weekend.  This approach means planning activities ahead - not a wall-to-wall packed hourly schedule, but just a couple of activities each day, but still being able to adjust on the fly.  I'm intrigued by the idea and will definitely do this in the future - more to maximize happiness than to minimize my spending.

Another idea that resonated with me was her view that finding work you really, truly enjoy means you're not just slogging it out until thankfully it's time to retire and play golf all day.  That in fact, if you like your work, you might want to consider doing it *past* retirement age, and then continue to earn more.  I interpreted this to mean that we also don't have to postpone our "big dreams" until we retire and have all that supposed free time - that we can pursue them now, and keep working at the same time.  Or take breaks from working to pursue them and then go back.

I love her writing because she has opinions and I get a sense of the author's personality, unlike a lot of nonfiction which reads like college term papers, dry and lacking any personal insight.  But that quality also made it frustrating to read at times - there were several points in the book where I flat out disagreed with her statements.

For example, in the chapter about how having more kids isn't necessarily a huge financial burden, she posits that it might not be necessary for parents to pay for their kids' college, and that private college tuition may not be "worth it".   In some cases that may be true, and if your child is brilliant, they'll figure out a way to get a stellar education even with no college. 

But for students like me who were smart but not super-extroverted "go-getters", going to a small private university where I was guaranteed personal attention was exactly what I needed.  Quite simply I would have gotten lost in the shuffle at a huge state school and just coasted my way through as I did in my entire school career prior to that.  For us, the cost of college (and potentially private school before that) is a huge financial consideration and given that we have the means to pay for college for our kids (if we're careful about our resources), it would be irresponsible of us not to plan for that.

The other chapter that didn't ring true for me was the one on charitable giving and the "selfish joy" it brings to people.  I found the examples fascinating, but I just couldn't relate to the idea of getting personal satisfaction or pleasure out of giving to charity.  Don't get me wrong, we write lots of checks to organizations we support and I try to research them to find ones that use the money wisely, but by and large I do it because it's just the right thing to do, not because it makes me feel good.  I feel neutral about it - I see it as one of those things you do as part of a community, especially as someone who has a lot of blessings in her life.  Perhaps that means I'm an unfeeling person.


In this book she definitely toned down her "everyone should do paid work full time" message, for which I was grateful (it was a consistent frustration for me in 168 Hours).  


I loved the chapters where she talked about buying less house than you can afford (or the bank thinks you can afford), as well as scaling back the expenses related to the Engagement-Wedding Industrial Complex.   This would be a great book for someone in their 20s just starting out in the "real world".


I definitely recommend reading it- even if you're super-responsible with your money, you'll likely come away with some new ideas after reading it.  It's more about figuring out your overall life priorities than the nuts and bolts of personal finance, and that kind of introspection is good for everyone, right?

Goodbye fear

Cloud has an awesome post about work-life balance with a couple of great points:

1.  If you don't ask for it, your boss won't know what you need
2.  Everyone is entitled to work-life balance, not just moms or parents

Go read it and then come back.

About once a month, I get pinged by someone at work who wants to know how they can set up a part-time schedule.  My short answer?  I asked for it. 

The longer answer?  I knew it was a priority for my family, and I didn't back down.  Returning from maternity leave, I would have quit if I had to go back to working the 45+ hours a week, 5 days in the office plus more-time-from-home schedule I had before I left.

The first answer I got was "I don't think we can make that work."  So I went home that day prepared to start cleaning out my office.  And then the next day, got an email saying that they could, in fact, make it work.

Note that I didn't threaten to quit during the first conversation.  I just laid out what exact schedule worked for me.

But in order to do this, I had to stop being afraid.  I've got a huge fear of failure.  It's probably one of my worst traits (aside from the inability to stop eating stuff that's bad for me).  I'm a Type-A perfectionist who wants her gold stars. 

I liked being GREAT at my job and being needed.  I loved the high review scores, big bonuses, promotions and special awards.  I was the rat who figured out how to press the lever to get the little food pellets.  That's what made me happy.

Until it didn't anymore.  My life changed completely when I had T.  I considered becoming a SAHM, something I had never given a single thought to before.  In a few short months, my entire life focus shifted to something even more motivating than those shiny gold stars.

And that's when I realized I was no longer afraid.  What if they turned down my request to work part-time?  Well, then I wouldn't work.  And we were ok with that.  If I absolutely HAD to work, I would have worked full-time.

Each year, the familiar nervousness creeps back around performance review time.  Did I do well enough to get the rewards?  By working part-time I've chosen to make a compromise in this area.  Since I'm working less, I get compensated less.  Since we're "graded on a curve", my coworkers putting in 60 hours are getting better rankings than I am.

I can't rant about the unfairness of that, because they have chosen to make work "their thing".  I used to be very afraid of getting a "bad score" and I still stress out about that.  But what if I do?  The scenario that plays out is not really the end of the world. 

The worst possible case is that it's so low that I'm asked to leave.  But that's unlikely as it's a very small percentage of folks who get that score.  If I did, maybe the job or team is not a good fit for me.  Any other low score would mean a small or no bonus, which is a bummer, but not a tragedy.

Fear just gets in the way of doing great work *and* having the life I want.  If I'm too afraid to ask for a flexible work arrangement, one is not just going to miraculously drop from the sky.   If I work harder and longer hours to assuage my fears of getting a bad review, I'm going to miss out on the other things I like to do, and I'm not respecting my own priorities.  Fear makes people do a lot of things they don't truly WANT to do and that is really no good.

I have a hard time sympathizing with people who SAY they want flexibility but then don't assert themselves to get it (this happens a lot).  Yes, it takes balls to do this.  But the upside is pretty great.

Once I stopped being afraid of hypothetical "bad things" happening to me at work, I felt a lot more free to find work I wanted to do, a team I liked, and just plain happiness.  Who can argue with that?

So, how bad do you want it?

Focusing on priorities

My favorite lesson from Laura Vanderkam's excellent 168 Hours was reframing "I don't have time for xyz" as "xyz is not a priority for me".  Sounds so simple, but it's brilliant.  If you are reasonably careful with your time, you will absolutely make time for the important things.

This is why I've been able to continue being crafty in some form or another even after T was born.  I know it'll be harder with Baby X' in the mix too, but something else will fall by the wayside and I will likely make time to be crafty, because it feeds my soul.

In the past few weeks I've made some hard decisions.  After posting my quandary about my Etsy shop, I decided to stop accepting custom orders even though business was good.  I realized it was stressing me out more than making me happy, and also realized I could be happy making non-custom pieces and posting them for sale on my schedule, instead of someone else's.  So I don't have to stop doing metal work or jewelry making entirely, but I can control my schedule a lot better this way.

Another practice that helped me crystallize what's important is doing "Morning Pages" from The Artist's Way.  I'll write more about this later with an official review next week, but the short version is that once a day I handwrite a couple of pages in a journal - stream of consciousness, to clear my mind.  This has some surprising results - I got a bunch of new ideas for things I could make for my shop and gave me the peace to stop doing custom orders.  It also gives me a short list of crafty and house projects I want to focus on for the next few days.  

One thing I love about being pregnant is the constant reminder that I am solely (for now) responsible for another human's well-being and the best way to care for her is to care for myself.  (Did I mention BabyX' is a girl?)  This makes it easy for me to be a lot more assertive about what I need. 


And one thing I definitely don't need now is emotional stress or drama.  A few weeks ago I blogged about some uncertainty with my job.  After talking it over with some trusted coworkers, I reframed my priorities.  While I need interesting work, even more than that, I want to keep my part-time schedule.  So I put the brakes on my frantic job search and just waited for a bit to see what would happen on my current team. 

As it turns out, I got some new responsibilities that are rocking my world, and I didn't have to go through the gauntlet of interviews or the awkward conversations around "hey, I'm pregnant and due in October *and* I also work part-time".  So life is good and I'm learning to live with a little ambiguity which is another good skill to have.

On the drama front, I received an email from someone I haven't spoken to in 15 years after a messy situation.  It was more complex than just "hey, how's it going, been a long time" and I agonized over what to do with it. Conventional wisdom would say it's been long enough, be the bigger person and accept the olive branch.  I could envision long email chains with friendly banter about current lives, raising kids, work, blah blah blah. 

When I first saw that email in my Inbox, I got a visceral gut feeling that was NOT good.  It was exactly the feeling you get when you're a kid and just about to get yelled at for something.  I was physically shaking when I saw it.  That surprised me.  When I thought more about exchanging email, being "friends", Facebooking and whatnot, it just made me tired.  I didn't want that.  I knew every email would feel like an obligation to be cheerful and witty, ask friendly questions, and pretend to care.

You know what?  I don't care.  I wish this person well but I don't want continued involvement.  I definitely don't want to rehash and analyze what happened 15 years ago.  I've worked out a lot of stuff since then and have NO desire to revisit it.


But I've got that ridiculous sensitivity about conflict.  I can't just let things go.  It didn't feel "nice" to drop this email into the bit bucket.  So I replied, tersely, and then gave myself permission to let it go.  It's weird how that worked for me.  Not responding to email #1 was bugging the heck out of me, until I did.  But choosing not to respond again to the reply?  It feels right.  I'm over it.


And that's how I know I've chosen the right priorities for myself.  This is why I revel in being a grownup who can make her own choices, and try to remember when dealing with BabyT to choose my battles very carefully.  I don't want her to feel like childhood is a long series of things you do to keep other people happy.  It's not a good way to raise an adult, because it's really hard to let go of that "programming".

It's still a work in progress...