Right here and now

Ali Edwards had a blogging (or scrapbooking) prompt today about what's going on "currently" or "right now".  I thought it might be fun since my day is only an hour old and everyone else is still sleeping.

Right now I'm:

A little anxious - I've only ever been in the hospital once before, and that was to have T.  I know it'll be fine this time, too, but still nervous about the days to come.

Excited - We get to meet Baby X' finally!  She won't seem real until she's in my arms.

Hungry - I've already told TJ and T that we're headed to Portage Bay Cafe for breakfast when everyone's awake.  I need my French Toast fix today.

Tired - I haven't slept well in a *month*, yo.  Nature's way of preparing for a newborn, I guess.

Sore-throaty - and sad about it.  Trying to be healthy in preparation for the C-section and hospital stay tomorrow.

Chill - no more projects to do, so today I'll catch up on Project Life, play with T, and *maybe* do a load of laundry.  

Life is pretty good, even if it is 7am and I'm not a morning person :)  Want to play along?  Leave me a link!

We may only have tonight

I wanted this weekend to be Big and Special, as it's T's last couple of days with us all to herself.  Instead it started out with the Great Oatmeal Standoff of 2012 which left more than one of us in tears and all of us a little out of sorts for a good portion of the day.

It was the same drama that plays itself out in every household at some point.  Parent serves a meal, kid refuses to eat it.  Kid makes a request (in this case, extra maple syrup), promising to eat it, then doesn't.  Power struggle ensues.  No one wants to "lose".

This hasn't happened before.  T is pretty easygoing about food - we give her a couple of choices and she picks one.  But today she pitched a fit, spit it out, and got everyone all riled up.  We found ourselves in a situation where we couldn't back down, or at least that's how it felt at the time.

After both of us took a long nap, I figured a way to disengage without giving in would be to present the oatmeal again at lunch, with something else to eat chosen by us.  (In our case, a hot dog.) No more choices would be offered today (we typically let her choose most things - what to wear, activities, etc.).  When she turned down our choices, we told her that if she ate the oatmeal like she promised in the morning, then she could make her own choices.  Apparently this wasn't worth it.  (I have to give her credit for her stubbornness, er commitment to her principles.) 

The oatmeal reappeared at dinner, along with shrimp, which she really likes.  She finally agreed to eat the oatmeal in order to get more shrimp so we alternated bites of oatmeal and shrimp.  She proceeded to eat the entire bowl of oatmeal without incident, much to my surprise.  She got her choices back - what to wear to bed, what to watch before bed, etc.  And even earned a star for her potty-training chart.  (She's 2 half-days away from getting a toy she's wanted for a couple of weeks.)

I don't feel very good about how this went down.  In general, it makes me very uneasy to "force" a particular food on someone.  I'm not willing to be a short order cook, for sure - we let her choose one of two or three options, typically, so that she'll eat something, but if she doesn't want it, she can choose to eat it or not eat it. There are no other options until the next meal or snacktime.  But I don't feel the need to "exert my authoritay" on her, certainly not on something this inconsequential.  But age 3 is a bit...difficult.

We got into the power struggle, and couldn't get out.  I was tired having barely slept last night (thank you heartburn and snoring).  She was tired from her messed up sleep schedule for 2 weeks, despite our best efforts to get her back on track.  TJ was annoyed about the spitting, my grouchiness, and the tantrum.  We found ourselves "stuck".

I'm still not sure what the right course of action would have been - maybe not even getting her to *try* the oatmeal would have preempted the spitting and tantrum.  Or perhaps this was an unavoidable train wreck given everyone's lack of sleep.

Sigh.  But like the old adage about never going to bed with unresolved issues in a relationship, I feel like we worked this out as best we could.  And tomorrow is another day.

We are in love

I am a casual photographer.  I've had my own camera since junior high, when my dad got a nice compact film camera from a colleague in Japan, and generously handed it over to my excited 10-year-old self, because he had a *really* nice Canon himself.

I used that verysame camera through middle school, high school, college, a trip to India, grad school and the first couple of years of work, until 1998 when I finally joined the digital world and bought a 5MP HP digital point and shoot camera that was ENORMOUS. 

And even then, I didn't take TONS of photos, but enough to document interesting stuff here and there. 

And then we got a dog.

The number of photos I took vastly increased, and most of them were of The Peanut.

Then we got another dog.

When we got engaged, I knew I really wanted nice photos of our wedding, and that was my top priority.   This got me hooked on professional photos.  Not the "dress up in sweater vests and haul the kids off to Sears" but candid, photojournalistic awesomeness at a location of our choice.

Photo by Bradley Hanson

Since we've had BabyT, we've gotten professional photos every 6 months.  Luckily for us, Baby X' will be born around the same time of year so we can keep that same schedule for a while, corresponding to birthdays and half-birthdays.

Photo by Kristi Romain

But since having T I didn't want to miss all the "in between" times.  Babies change a lot in 6 months, so I stepped up the picture-taking.  I had an ambition to do a DailyBaby shot every day of T's first year, but didn't quite make it everyday.  Still, I'm only missing a handful of days so I'm pretty proud of that.  Mind you, not all of them have been uploaded online but that's a different problem of mine ;)

Doing Project Life this year has made me even more motivated to "capture the everyday".  I've finally had some time to go back to my 2011 photos and process them, and I've noticed a definite improvement in my photography since then.  Practice really does help even though I wasn't actively trying to get better.

I'm a gadget girl.  I've wanted a fancypants DSLR camera since 2009 when we upgraded my 2005 teeny tiny PowerShot to the more powerful, but still point-and-shoot, Canon S90.  I chose the S90 because it was much smaller than a DSLR and I figured I'd  be more likely to toss that in the diaper bag for outings.  I was right.

But the DSLR bug was in my ear.  When I was looking into photography classes to learn some technique, most are geared towards DSLR owners.  My friend Laura, who is amazingly talented, is so enthusiastic about her camera and lenses that every time she'd mention it on her blog, it reminded me that maybe I should look into getting a DSLR.  A lot of the scrapbookers who frequent forums I read are also avid photographers, as are many of my real-life friends.

So one day, with idle hands performing the devil's work, I read tons of reviews on Amazon and finally plopped the Canon Rebel T3i DSLR onto my Wish List.  Which is private, and no one ever looks at it but me. But it was there. Staring at me. For an entire year.

But it's a BIG purchase and I always had an excuse for why I couldn't or shouldn't buy it.  After seeing the pro photos from T's recent birthday party, and noticing that one group of them had this "look" that was different, and really, really awesome, I couldn't wait any longer.  I wanted to learn how to take photos like that, with that cool blurred background and the subject super-sharp in the foreground. 

It's a testament to my self-restraint that I was able to wait so long, really.  So one night last week I put up an innocent query on Facebook: did any of my friends have a "starter" DSLR they were looking to sell. Because I'm friends with a lot of engineers and scientists, I knew there was a similar gadget-love going on, and people upgrade their gadget goodness ALL.THE.TIME.  Within 5 minutes, a coworker posted that he was looking to sell his Canon T3i.

Uh, yeah.  The same *exact* camera that's been on my wishlist for a year.  Is that the Universe talking to me or what?  (Ok, I was looking for an excuse, but that was really too good.)  The nice thing about staying with Canon is that the menus and controls are pretty similar to the S90. 

So I jumped in feet first and bought it with the money I've been hoarding from my Etsy shop revenue.  We're MFEO, right?  (Meant For Each Other, for those who haven't watched Sleepless in Seattle in a while.)

And I am SO in love.  By just upgrading the camera, my photos have gotten a huge boost.  Imagine what could happen if I actually learned some things, and *practiced*?!  The mind boggles.

The other thing I've discovered - my friends are a knowledgeable and generous bunch.  I've gotten tons of useful tips on lenses and technique that would have taken me ages to figure out myself.  They've given me lots of links to bookmark for later, classes to consider, things to try on my camera, and the confidence to go forth and shoot and learn.

Given the timing, I can't jump into taking photography classes right now, but hope to squeeze one in sometime during my maternity leave.  In the meantime, I'll have a lot of opportunities, and a new subject on which to practice.  I am SO excited, peeps!

Circling the wagons

So there's that "nesting" instinct that's supposed to kick in just as a woman gets ready to have a baby.  It's hard for me to tell if that has happened/is happening because I'm pretty project-oriented to begin with, and doing stuff like organizing my pantry is fun for me, pregnant or not.

But I will tell you what I've noticed in the past couple of weeks - I have a HUGE desire to hole up in my house and not go anywhere, not make plans, and not see anyone.  Even social media seems taxing and too busy and interactive.  Someone else mentioned this happening to them while pregnant, so I'm not alone.  I'm already an introvert to begin with, so I suspect something hormonal is enhancing those tendencies even more.

Sadly, September was a bad month to feel this way.  It's been jam-packed with appointments and errands to get ready for Baby X', BabyT's birthday, adjustment to her new preschool (though the schedule seems to definitely agree with her more), the start of her new dance class, wrapping up work before leave, and lots of family in town.  Worst is that I'm exhausted because I can't sleep well at all (thanks pregnancy-induced snoring and being planet-sized!).

But it's coming to a close now, and I have 6 days left.  I'm not working this week.  My last prenatal appointment is tomorrow, and I have to attend "Curriculum Night" at T's preschool so I can meet the other parents.  (Ok, "have to" is a strong word, but it's something I'd like to do.) 

TJ drew the line in the sand about not doing any more things from The List.  We're ready with all the important stuff.  No more stressing about hanging up coat hooks and pictures or other low-priority tasks.  I like it and it's just the "permission" I needed to let those last few things go.

Besides taking T to preschool, our calendar is blissfully empty the rest of the week.  I'm going to do a little crafting, play with my new DSLR camera, and spend a lot of time at home with my girl in our last few days of being a mama-baby duo.  (Just writing that makes me a little teary.) 

I need this quiet time to get myself together for what's going to be a difficult month up ahead.  I'm certain that the pregnancy and nursing hormones have erased the bad memories from 2009, because I remember it being "not that bad" while TJ remembers the first few weeks as "awful" as we figured out how to get by on broken sleep, nursing ickiness, and troubleshooting baby cries. 

This time we get to do it again, 3 years older, and with a little girl who needs us just as much as her new baby sister will.  We are lucky to have people around offering help, but most of my worries are about the things that other people just can't do - helping BabyT feel secure about her place in our family while also bonding and learning about new Baby X'.  I'm not too concerned about what we're going to eat or getting T to the places she needs to be - with two adults at home, that should be a little easier.

So if you email or call or text us and we don't reply, it's because we're in the bunker waiting for the Armageddon.  No wait, that's not right.  But we are focusing inward this week (and of course the next few weeks).   Please leave a message after the beep and we'll get back to you when we are ready.

BEEP.

I'm walking too far ahead

I've been meaning to write about our experience with BabyT's gross motor delays. Even writing that sentence gave me pause, because the word "delays" imply to me that there's something wrong. I'm still not convinced that's true, but when you compare her to the average she has definitely picked up some skills much slower than her peers. And of course, everyone thinks their child is a genius and above average, right? We're no exception.

She was a super huge, healthy baby who LOVED her milk. So much that she was nearly always off the charts for weight. She got head control and reached for things right on schedule. She rolled over once "on schedule" but we didn't really see her do it again. She definitely was not interested in rolling to get anywhere.

She sat with assistance from a Boppy around 6-7 months, and got better and more stable at it over the next couple of months. Maybe a tiny bit later than her baby friends, but not much.

In general she was just not that interested to go after things out of her reach. We actually thought that was a feature, not a bug, since it was easier on us and she was content and happy to hang out with books and toys for LONG periods of time. I could even take a shower!

But at her 9 month checkup, her doctor expressed some concern that she was not even attempting to crawl. She recommended we get her an evaluation for all skills (language, small motor, and gross motor) with a local early childhood center if she wasn't crawling by 10 months or so.

I hated hearing this. I didn't want anything to be "wrong with" my perfect baby girl. But I made the appointment for the eval a few months out since they're hard to come by, and figured she'd work out the crawling thing, and we could cancel the appointment.

But she didn't and summer break for the center was coming up, so we went in for the eval around 10 months. T thought it was great - 3 people to play with her *and* new toys. She dutifully stacked cups, answered to her name and looked at things they pointed to, while we answered a battery of questions about what skills she had (did she "help" by putting her arms in sleeves when we dressed her, was she trying to pull up, would she "walk" if we supported her upper body, etc.).

They told us that she was doing well on language and small motor skills, but was 2 standard deviations behind the average in gross motor skills, which meant she qualified for Early Intervention physical therapy through our state's program.   They thought she would just need sessions twice a month, and we agreed to set those up.

I was disappointed about the results, and all of the official paperwork that showed up referencing developmental disabilities.  Granted, it's all boilerplate government documentation but still hard to read when it's MY kid they're talking about.

T started physical therapy in September 2010 when she was about a year old, and a few months later, at 15 months, started crawling.  She got really good at it.  We're not sure if it was the physical therapy or the fact that she started daycare in the toddler room at the same time, and wanted to keep up with the other kids.

We worked on building her strength and getting her to be more active at the park and playground. 

At 18 months with no sign of walking, I was officially freaking out so we increased her physical therapy sessions to once a week.  She was the only kid in our toddler group who was not walking.

She finally took her first steps when she was 19.5 months old and since she's super cautious, she apparently waited until *she* was good and ready, skipped the wobbly-falling down stage, and got good at it in just a few weeks.   We stopped using the stroller almost immediately and had her walk everywhere we went, to get her more practice.  Our toddler group friends cheered for her when she walked by herself to the park at our first summer playdate - she was so proud of herself!

But here's the thing - she was acquiring all those skills in the expected order, just about 6 months behind most of her peers.  And by the time she walked, she was already speaking in complete, clear sentences so I wonder if her brain was just working on other things.

It's hard to know if the PT actually helped but I know it didn't hurt.  She loved visits from "Miss Carrie" and I didn't want to take the chance that her skills would be even more delayed without it.  Upon recommendation from other folks at work with kids in the same situation, we signed her up for Little Gym around 16 months, to give her some more structured active play time and continued that through this summer.  She just started taking a combo dance and gym class there this week as per her special request to learn to "do ballet".

In March 2012 we decided to discontinue PT even though she was eligible for it through her 3rd birthday.  She was still a little behind her peers (still super cautious, not jumping yet) but I felt confident that she'd catch up over time.  She's become a lot more active in the past few months, though I think she's always going to be cautious - it's just part of her personality.  (I can relate!)


I wanted to write about this because Dr. Google alarmed me with a lot of worst-case scenarios around motor development. I couldn't find any info on kids who just happened to walk late for no discernible medical reason, but were on track (or ahead!) on development in other areas.

We did all the "right" things when she was tiny - tummy time, limited time in the Exersaucer, used an Ergo carrier instead of the infant carseat all the time, etc. But she developed her skills at her own pace and continues to do that.  Frustrating when you compare it to the standard timelines, but humans are all different, right?

So for anyone doing late night Googling about "why my baby isn't walking yet" or "not walking at 18 months", hopefully this is somewhat comforting.   It is worth getting the evaluation and the PT helped us feel as if we were taking action and doing what we could to help her without stressing out or trying to force her to acquire skills before she was ready.

It was also a good exercise in patience for me - just because we *wanted* her to learn how to walk, and practiced with her, didn't mean she was going to do it.  This is a familiar refrain around here (see also: Potty training)  Sometimes, you just gotta wait it out.