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| soon she'll be driving! |
Last fall when we were scoping out preschools for her, we looked at one that required potty training, and since we weren't planning to enroll her for another 6 months, I figured that was a reasonable timeframe to make that happen. I am *so* glad we eliminated that one for other reasons, because I can't imagine the pressure to get her trained before she started. That was nearly 6 months ago, and she's still not close.
I'm definitely in the minority of parents around here - most with daughters have them at least day trained by the time they're 3. Her preschool does a great job of helping with this, and the peer pressure definitely works in our favor. While she doesn't stay dry all day there, she's doing pretty well at telling her teachers when she needs to go and participates in the group potty breaks. She clearly knows what she needs to do and has demonstrated she *can* do it.
But at home? No bueno. She refuses. Pitches a fit. DOES.NOT.WANT. It's clearly a control thing, and not a battle I want to join. So we have a few regular potty times (this girl loves her rules and routines), she (mostly) changes her own wet pull-up diapers and we're waiting this one out.
For the record, she says when her new baby sister is born, THEN she'll use the potty all the time. It would not surprise me if she keeps her word. She decided 2 months ago she wanted to be a ladybug for Halloween and hasn't wavered since. She said in June she wanted a Pocoyo-themed birthday and is sticking to it.
This is the same child that didn't walk until 19.5 months, and she got good at it in a week. One day I think she just decided it was time and started walking on her own. Now she runs and even jumps (which she also did on her own schedule, not the one on BabyCenter). The same was true of dropping that last night feeding at 14 months, switching to a straw cup, and sleeping in her own Big Girl Bed. When *she* was ready, it just happened.
I think this is the Universe's way of teaching me patience, which is definitely not my strong suit. There is nothing I can do to speed up her development or make her *want* to do this. I've finally learned just to wait and see. She'll work it out. We'll continue to offer to help and give her the choice to try it out, but with no pressure. As a project manager who likes deadlines and completed projects, this is painful.
But not forcing the issue takes away the pressure to "just get it done already", and doesn't create a power struggle between us. Obviously I don't want to wait forever, but it's too early to get stressed out about it. Even a lab rat can learn from past experience, right?
So yeah, for a while, we're going to have 2 kids in diapers. I can live with that.
I really like your overall parenting attitude, especially as described in this post. Too many times, I see other parents freaking out about timelines or numbers they have heard recommended or cited somewhere as "when your child should do this". I wish people would all chill and realize that every kid is a different individual who will do things when they are ready, which is sometimes before, and sometimes after, the magic number.
ReplyDeleteSuz - it has taken me a while to get here, but with T's gross motor "delays" (I'll write about that some time) we had no choice but to wait. You can't make a baby crawl, or walk. That in turn has helped me realize she's going to work it out and to watch for *her* strengths/preferences. (IE she was speaking in full intelligible sentences before she could walk.)
DeleteI am in the same boat! Two with diapers is easier than running to the bathroom while nursing. When mijo goes at grandma's (never at home) he gives us about 20 seconds to get there.
ReplyDeleteOMG, I hadn't even thought about that. Good point!!! T is the same way on timing, on the rare occasion she does tell us.
DeleteYou're totally on the right track. Here's my potty training secret - wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and wait and then they do it pretty much themselves. One of my favorite things about this method is that, at least at my house, once they decide to do it, there are almost zero "accidents." I should write a book!
ReplyDeleteYou just need a catchy title like "No Effort Potty Training" or something and you'd be a zillionaire :)
DeleteOh I am so with you. Moo has got the peeing down pat - but refuses to poop. Like at all. So I just keep putting her back in pull ups - and then she regresses with peeing. And I am over it!
ReplyDeleteoh man. yeah, T tells us she prefers pull ups :( so the enticement of "big girl undies" is not working...
DeleteOh god, potty training. I refuse to read any "advice" or "tips" on this, because I figure it'll happen when it happens. When we tried to even gently push it, it went horribly wrong (i.e. we almost went to the ER due to severe constipation, abdominal pain, and vomiting). And yes, I think part of why it didn't work was that when HE was ready & willing, we had the new baby & it was not possible for me to get him to the potty on time (he can't take his clothes off himself yet---even at 2.5 years, so its a 2-handed-operation & I never had 2 hands!) I love reading about others doing "lazy" potty-training...i.e. keeping them in diapers/pull-ups until they decide they want to go. I do think he needs to be trained before moving to the pre-school room at his daycare, so we have about 5 months (he'll be 3 in December & he's cognitively so ready to start some more challenges)
ReplyDelete@ana - if daycare has the requirement, they probably help w/ it too, right? ours had the same thing - the preschool room required it, but they had a "transition 2.5/3" room that kids were in for 6 months or so until they got potty trained.
DeleteT is much more likely to cooperate with her teachers than with us :P
Unfortunately, B is no more cooperative at daycare than at home these days. I really think we missed a window when they first started in daycare at 20 months, and he was all excited about it. Then we had the baby when he was 21 months, and a lot of travel and fast-forward to 30 months and he has some major potty issues---he refuses, cries, has to be dragged kicking & screaming, even at daycare. I'm trying not to push it because that makes it worse (as noted above!)
DeleteAnandi, we are in somewhat opposite situation. Maya is starting to use the bathroom on her own at home, but never at school. Even at home, it's hit or miss, but we've been using chocolate as a reward, and it's worked better than any other strategy so far.
ReplyDeleteThankfully we were able to get pre-school to keep her in the toddler room through at least December, so there's no time pressure. Like you, I didn't want to deal with a deadline for something we can't force. Here's what I wrote in LJ a couple weeks ago:
"By all the check points, she is trained already. She's demonstrated that she can set up her insert and stool, pull her pants up and down, do her business, wash her hands, and only needs a little help with wiping. She can hold her pee and poop if she wants to, too. So what's left?? Getting her to actually *do* these things on a regular basis. Chocolate seemed to work briefly, but didn't last. At this point, I'm truly at a loss. Short of ditching the diapers come hell or high water, I'm not sure that there is anything we can do. Maybe I need to stop being paranoid that she'll get constipated or contract a UTI and just go for it, but eh, now that the pressure is off at school, I honestly don't care to force it right now."
Yeah, i'm with you re: not forcing it. i think our girls are both pretty strong willed, right?
DeleteWe have 2 in diapers. People tell me that they happily destroy their diaper pails in celebration when the last kid is potty trained. But, I actually don't mind changing diapers. Now, there are 2 other big milestones that I can't wait for - both kids sleeping through the night and both kids feeding themselves so that I can actually eat when everyone else does!
ReplyDeleteoh man, ginger, you just reminded me of something i had forgotten all about - one handed eating, or parent-serial eating. so much i've forgotten about having a little baby!
Deletei figure we're going to be changing 10+ diapers a day for the baby, what's a few more? :P
Just popping by to say Hi. We're in the Trend Spotting class together. I've got 5 kiddos and I will tell you that it's just not worth pressuring when it comes to potty training. I tried that with one of mine and it was a disaster. She probably will stay true to her comment, and will probably be even more proud of herself than if you push her.
ReplyDeletehey! thanks for stopping by!! 5 kids!! OMG. thanks for the input. (And I'm behind on all this week's lessons. It's just too hot to be crafty here this week.)
DeleteOur son has *barely* shown interest in the potty; when he sits on it, he goes "ERRRGG" as if he's acting like he's trying to go, then he's done, and nothing has come out. Way more likely to pee/poop on the bathroom floor or in the tub! HAHA TMI :) He'll be 22 months tomorrow. I'm with Stephanie. Same with STTN etc. wait wait wait (hope) wait wait wait (hope) wait wait (freak out) wait wait... I'll let you know how it ends!
ReplyDelete