Dear Mr. Balding 40-something Overgrown Frat Boy with Cell Phone Earpiece:
I was so pleased to meet you today at Crossroads Mall, when you pulled out in front of my car to make an illegal U-turn, stopping two lanes of traffic. I understand that it must have been horribly inconvenient for your phone call to be interrupted by my horn honking.
I'm sorry I couldn't step out of my car like you asked, to kiss the boo-boo on your middle finger. Since it was cold out and my windows were up, I couldn't hear the enthusiastic holiday greetings you were yelling at me. Merry Christmas to you too, sir. I hope Santa finally brings you that brain cell.
I suggest taking a course in Effective Communication at your alma mater, FU.