I started commenting on her post, but then it got too long, so I figured I'd just post about it here instead. It also dovetails nicely with something my friend Jasmine shared with me last night, that she heard in graduate school:
Fair is not equal; it means everyone gets what they need.How awesome is that? And applicable to so many things in life.
|Unicorn card from http://sparklepaw.etsy.com/|
Back to Jasmine's quote, though. We *don't* have a 50/50 split in our house for childcare and housework. Because in our case, that wouldn't be fair. I work 20 hours outside the home, and he works 50+, easily, commuting all 5 days to my 2. It makes sense for me to do more of the routine house stuff like laundry, dishes, and coordinating our social calendar, since I literally have more time. He handles all the financial stuff (thank god, since it makes my eyes glaze over), car stuff, and things that need to be fixed. Sometimes it makes me giggle at how traditional that is.
Now that I'm not breastfeeding a baby 4 hours a day, changing 10+ diapers a day, and sleeping more than 4 hours at a stretch, this routine is totally working and gasp! fun. Not oppressive.
Things we do split equally: weekend kid stuff, night-waking duty, daycare dropoff/pickup, Little Gym attendance. BabyT prefers Daddy to do bedtime when he's home, so I'm off the hook about half the week *snicker*.
Incidentally, I used to think I'd be jealous if a child of mine said "no! only Daddy!" But in reality, it's awesome. Because that gives me permission to go do something else *I* want to do (like argue with strangers on Facebook!), and giggle at poor Daddy.
It surprises me how many of my mama friends (both SAHM and WOHM) don't seem to have this kind of division of labor and support from their husbands. It seems to be more of a situation where their husbands "help out when they can/need to" but it's a less than ideal situation.
Maybe I'm reading too much into it, or maybe that's how "fair" works at their homes. But it makes me sad to hear people talk about how their husbands can't put the baby to sleep, can't cook dinner, or "could never handle baby alone for the weekend".
When we first had BabyT, I felt like *he* was actually better with her than I was. I felt like she was so fragile and floppy and breakable. He has always known that she isn't.
Am I really *that* lucky? I certainly didn't have this as a checkbox on my list when looking for a life partner, though maybe I should have, because it's really important.
So, your turn. Ladies, are you married to a unicorn? Dads, are you that unicorn? Single parents, how did you work this out?