This is apparently a Weekend of Introspection. Or something.
Comments on my previous post got snarky. This is pretty unusual for my blog since I generally tend not to write things that piss people off. Or if I do, no one's reading them.
I hate conflict, which is probably surprising since I'm so opinionated. I think it's hardwired into my personality. I dwell on stuff for days until it gets sorted out, or (worse!) slowly fades away. It makes me unsettled and unhappy - that same feeling I got as a kid just before I got into trouble for something.
I've written before that I have low tolerance for people who bitch and moan about their problems but refuse to do anything about it. (Which is funny because if you ask my husband I have a few of these where the solution is patently obvious to him.) The judgmental comments I made on my last post are specifically in relation to this.
Maybe if I were a better person, I wouldn't judge anyone or anything and leave it to the Great Hereafter or whatever. But I can't. If multiple people (who are not my BFFs) are going to bring their (similar) issues to me looking for validation on something I can't get on board with, I can't help but be irritated.
My first thought was to delete the thread or at the very least, my own comments to stem any further disagreement/disapproval. But that doesn't really fix anything, as I still *feel* that way.
Life is too short to worry about what anonymous folks on the Internet think of me. So what if they don't "like" me, as much as one can not "like" someone they've never met. I do the same thing when I read a blog on something I vehemently disagree with and feel moved to comment on.
I'm starting to realize (and hate) that one of the things I'm getting from social networking, blogging, etc. is this sort of "validation" - this "yes, we agree, because you're like us". Being part of a group and fitting in (however anonymously). Of course this has been one of the themes of my life. As much as I talk a good game, I'm not comfortable rocking the boat, being the non-conformist or *gasp*, having people "yell" at me.
This is part of the reason I stopped commenting entirely on political things on Facebook. It was raising my blood pressure, and totally depleting any entertainment value or "fun" I was getting out of being on Facebook. I'm not a person who enjoys a good argument.
I'm not sure what the solution is, besides practice, practice, practice at getting comfortable with conflict. I can only imagine it will help me in sticky situations, since I'm long past being a kid who needs to worry about "good behavior".
I guess it's a good lesson on cost-benefit analysis too. Is my need to write about X or say Y big enough to withstand Z that I might hear as a result? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. I often employ this at work and keep quiet as a result, though inside I'm raging at what people are saying.
In the end, I think it comes down to the specifics. I think I get very wound up on hypothetical, philosophical discussions that are not serving me well.
The real topic at hand is not the State of Maternity Leave in the US and whether Marissa Mayer's Personal Choices will affect it in any way. That may be the new form of armchair entertainment in the blogosphere but in the end I'm not sure if it's useful.
What matters to me is whether my request for leave will be approved and whether I'll still have a job when I return. And maybe keeping other people from sucking up my emotional bandwidth.