Winter just wasn't my season

I felt like I needed a change, so the new colors are dedicated to the beautiful Pacific Northwest. Apocalypse 4 came and went a few days ago with another couple of inches of snow, but the temperature rose pretty quickly so it didn't stick around for long. At least this time it had the courtesy to wait until nighttime to start snowing.

I'm giving up on my separate weight loss blog. A nice idea in theory but just too damn hard to maintain in practice. Especially since I barely remember to write in this one, and my work blog is lucky if it sees one post per month.

But that doesn't mean I'm giving up on getting into better shape. Ugh. How many times have I said this?? I've been doing a lot of reading, and thinking, about my lack of focus when it comes to really getting down to the business of weight loss. I'm lazy. I hate doing things I'm not good at, so I do them haphazardly so I have something to blame when things don't work out like I want them to. I suppose what it comes down to is that I don't want it badly enough.

So I'm trying something a little different this time. I have only one measurable goal right now, and that's to complete the Couch to 5K running program. It's a 9 week, 27 workout series that progresses from running intervals of 1 minute up to 30 minutes. When I finish, I get to buy myself the cute little iPod shuffle in pink, which has a convenient clip to attach it to your clothes, and will work much better than the crazy lanyard thing I'm using now that I have to tuck into my shirt while I'm running.

With respect to food, I'm following the basic principles of intuitive eating - making sure I'm really hungry before eating something, eating just until satisfied, eating often, and making sure I don't ever get ravenous. Oh, and no more absent-minded eating in front of the computer. (Revolutionary, I know.) I've promised myself to start writing down what I eat just to see if I'm eating more crap than I think I am. But no calorie restrictions or rules.

I've resumed delivery of fresh organic fruits and veggies from Pioneer Organics every 2 weeks, so the good stuff will always be around and handy.

I'm also trying to figure out what other exercise I can do that I really truly enjoy. That's the hard part, though I am looking forward to the running workouts. I may just end up doing a lot of walking.

I'm in this for the long haul. And approaching it like a scientist, logically and deliberately. (Though not numerically.) I've got some mental block about committing to what I need to do, so my job for the next couple of months is to figure out how to get past that.

Part of that is eliminating stress where I can. I have a bad habit of taking on a lot of "projects" and I realized it's because I'm not sure what I really, truly want to do with my life. Maybe this is my quarter-life crisis showing up a little bit late.

Anyway, that was probably too much information for you all. But I've never really considered the mental component to weight loss as being particularly important for me.

I'm thinking it's the part I need to be able to do this once, and once only, and to get out of the cycle. I'm tired of having a whole second wardrobe in my closet that doesn't fit. I want one set of clothes, preferably in a single digit size, and vigilance and commitment to make sure those clothes always fit. I don't ever again want to "suddenly" notice that I've gained 25lbs since the last time I was paying attention. Of course, if that came with a 7 inch height increase, that would be fine, but last time I checked I was still the same height.

So here's to "constant vigilance", to borrow a phrase from Harry Potter. Not about the number on the scale, but about life. Here's to everything having a purpose, and making decisions consciously. No more guilt, and no more rules. Boo-yah.