I am a ridiculously poor multi-tasker. When I have too many things going on, I just.can't.deal. My stress level goes up, and I start wigging out. The solution sounds simple, right? I just need to eliminate the non-essential activities. The problem is that I go through cycles where I feel like I can take on the world, and I sign myself and T (and sometimes TJ) up for everything under the sun that sounds neat or enriching or (danger!) crafty.
So there are days where I wonder whether it would be better to quit working while T is little. One less thing to juggle. No more "Trillian sad mama working". Her exact words, I kid you not. I could be at the zoo with my peeps instead of at work on a Sunday afternoon. Tuesday and Thursday evenings wouldn't look like:
- Sit in traffic for 30 min
- Pick up baby & baby's stuff from daycare
- Sit in traffic for 20 min
- Get T milk/feed starving, whiny, unloved dogs/prep dinner for T
- Get T to eat and in bed before we miss the sleep window
It's not as easy for me as "leaving work at work" because my arrangement stipulates that I need to put in another day and a half worth of work from home sometime during the week. I'm lucky that it's flexible, so it doesn't have to be during working hours, but that means I'm spending T's naptime, nights and weekends fitting in that work.
It doesn't seem like I should complain. I mean, I have a DREAM work schedule. What tech company would let someone only work in the office 2 days a week? Hardly any tech companies even have the concept of part-time work, let alone challenging work at my level in my field. On a team that really, truly does respect work-life balance.
And when T is in kindergarten, the part-time gig will be exactly what I need. But that tiny voice in my head says "that's 3+ years from now, and anything could happen between now and then". Maybe my company will decide not to support part time work anymore. Maybe we'll have another 3 babies by then (just kidding!). And I've never been one to do something now because I *might* regret it later if I don't.
And of course there's the money. I want my baby to go to the best school we can find, and that will likely be private school. I like craft supplies (though lord knows I don't need to buy any more!). At some point we might like to go on a vacation that involves an airplane and fruity drinks with umbrellas. And all that boring stuff like 401k, employee stock purchase, and my unvested stock that means we won't have to work until we're 90.
On the flip side, I wouldn't be bored at home. I already have more activities and learning stuff I want to do with her than I can fit into our weeks. We have friends we haven't seen in weeks because somehow our off-day schedules fill up quicker than imaginable.
I don't have career aspirations to be a VP. My goal has always been to do work I like, with people who are cool, for decent money. Check. Check. Check.
Therein lies the problem. I don't have a clear path on what to do. And while I'm unsure, it would be stupid to quit. Something that bold needs to be backed with sheer, radiating confidence. Sigh.
Internets, tell me what to do. Just kidding. But tell me what you're doing, and why.
(Oh and yes, I realize this is upper-middle-class navel gazing, the likes of which 99.9% of the world cannot indulge in. I know I'm lucky.)