Sunday, April 15, 2012

Now I'm down in it

Having done this twice now, I maintain that the first trimester of pregnancy is HARD.  First, I wasn't really telling anyone I was pregnant, so I couldn't share what seemed like a HUGE secret.  And there seemed to be unnecessary stress worrying about how to explain to work colleagues, etc why I wasn't drinking at Happy Hour or eating sushi anymore.  (Self-imposed, likely since no one probably noticed or cares.)

But the moods - OH.MY.GOD.  By far that has been the worst.  When I was pregnant with BabyT, I was inexplicably ANGRY for most of my first trimester.  Work was very difficult to get through, as I had a job where I had to interact with a lot of people about a process they didn't want to follow.  Already a tenuous situation, I had to hold it together when I just wanted to tell people to do their f'in jobs, already.

This time, it was different, and worse.  Angry I can deal with, mostly by closing my office door and hiding out so I don't accidentally unleash on someone who doesn't deserve it or who does deserve it, but can negatively impact my career.

Sad Light Switch
by Declan Colohan on Flickr

But no one told me about depression during pregnancy.  I didn't expect to lose all interest in crafting, keeping up on Project Life, hanging out with friends, or doing fun stuff with BabyT. 

I also got super irritable, and that combined with T being 2.5-- YUCK.  I was ridiculously tired as well (gotta love being pregnant) which led to some pretty miserable days. 

I don't doubt that it was the hormones that caused all this, plus the fact that my nausea led me to change my diet pretty drastically, away from Paleo and back to simple starches, because that was all I could tolerate.

Just the thought of going to see someone about it made me want to curl up and go to sleep - another appointment or commitment to deal with?  No thank you. 

It helped a tiny bit to find this Ask Moxie post, and realize I wasn't alone.   And thankfully, around week 10, it lifted.  (Otherwise I would have gone to talk to someone about it.)  What did help was: getting outside for walks and actually remembering to take my fish oil and vitamin D in addition to the regular vomit-inducing prenatal vitamin.

But it was scary how much it just seemed like "that's how life is", rather than a temporary/hormonal thing.  

Now, a few weeks later, it's so clear to me that it was the hormones.  I'm happy again, and interested in doing STUFF.  I don't sleep 12 hours a day, and only nap when I'm sick.  I'm nowhere near as irritable.  Though T being 2.5 is still hard.

So, I guess that's my Public Service Announcement.  It's also a reminder to myself to keep an eye on it over the next year or so.  My fabulous husband was also watching for it during and just after my last pregnancy, and knows to do it again this time. 

It's really hard to see when you're in the middle of it.


  1. I'm glad to hear that things are better. Early pregnancy is hard, but the whole thing is harder the 2nd time in my experience, due to the demands of child #1. Plus you can't forget the whole not-getting-any-younger thing. =) Neither of my pregnancies could be called difficult, in the sense that I didn't have any complications, but boy was it harder on me at 35 than at 31. Hang in there!

    1. Thanks Di! Yes, it's true about getting old, too, though I think the true test will be the 3rd trimester/once the baby is here. I'll be 37 (yikes!!)

  2. I'm so glad you can name it for what it is: depression, and it suuuucks. Been there, lived that. Twice. Hugs, and please be gentle with yourself and the bumps of life in the coming months.

    1. Thanks @hush! I avoided the PPD last time and hope to be lucky this time, but the 1st tri stuff was unsettling.

  3. right after laurie was born, i remember looking forward to greg's returning home from work on this particular day. when he arrived, instead of smiling & laughing, i started seriously bawling. i was totally baffled by this, as i honestly had no idea why i was crying since i wasn't sad.

    harmones are scary-powerful:) new moms are so much better educated in the process today. in the dark ages we were given a little pamphlet on pregnancy & birth... it basically said not to worry... your God-like doctor will take care of everything!

    have faith in your self-awareness, your maternal instincts, your inherent smarts, & your self-control. so happy for you:)

    1. Thank you Cheryl!! Yeah, Dr. Google helps a lot :)


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