Sunday, March 24, 2013

I belong with you, you belong with me

So remember when I wrote wistfully about how cosleeping never worked with BabyT? Yeah, let's file that under "be careful what you wish for".

BabyM will not sleep in her crib. She will begrudgingly stay there quietly for 10 minutes since we bought her this flashy light up musical "soother" (which does not soothe!), but sleep she WILL NOT.

She's been sleeping in our bed for a few months now, aka most of her life since she's only 5 months old. I got over my paranoia about blankets and suffocation and baby being squished by one of us, in favor of more sleep. 

And it's true, we do get more sleep. I do not feel sleep-deprived, but the quality of the sleep I'm getting isn't great, so I need a LOT. And I'm a high-sleep-needs person to start with, so now it's even worse.  It seems as though BabyM is enjoying her proximity to The Milk, so she wakes a few times to nurse. On the rare occasion we've gotten her to sleep somewhere else (like the crib - once!) or when I go sleep elsewhere, she only wakes once.

So yeah, we'd love to get her to sleep in her crib at the end of our bed - just a few feet away, which to BabyM might as well be across the country.  I can't say I blame her - our memory foam mattress and fluffy duvet are very nice to sleep with.

She's training us well - anytime we invest some time and effort into getting her to sleep elsewhere, she falls asleep easily but then wakes every 20 minutes or so, requiring us to soothe her back to sleep. When we give up on this plan, and just take her back to our bed, she sleeps the next 7 or so hours straight. That's one smart baby.

Sleeping with her is very much like sleeping with Spike, our beagle (who, thankfully, is not allowed in our bed). We start out in our own space, but in the middle of the night, I find a little warm body snuggled up next to me, slowly pushing me over to the very edge of the bed. 

It's frustrating because I keep waking so often - I think I must be responding to some kind of change in her breathing, because I wake up right before she does most of the time. And as nice and cuddly as she is, I do like sleeping by myself, with no one *touching* me. 

But as they say, "the days are long but the years are short" and soon enough she won't want to sleep in our bed.  It makes sense that evolutionarily, babies probably like to stay with their mamas most of the time. And I know every time we try to "make" a baby do something, it never works, and just frustrates us as well as them.

So I'm admitting defeat. I don't want to make it harder on myself by doing some elaborate "sleep training" routine. We'll try something different when she's not sleeping well, or if we aren't getting enough sleep. But for now, I'm embracing my inner crunchy mama.


  1. I hesitate to tell you, but we've similarly acquiesced with Henry, who will be 4 in April. He goes to sleep across the hall with his brothers, but around midnight, he comes to sleep next to me. In our bed, he'll sleep until morning. If I take him back to his bed, even if I stay for a long time, he wakes about 20 minutes after I leave (over and over if I try again!). He usually doesn't even cry - he pretty much just sleepwalks to our bed and climbs in.

    Emmett moved out of our bed at age 1, Luke around 2 1/2 (displaced by Henry), and I'm guessing that by the time he goes off to college, Henry won't be in our bed either. Maybe we should just get a bigger bed? Anyway, I fully understand the process, and sleep is more important than the particulars of sleeping arrangements.

    1. Stephanie, you are living my life! lol Hey, maybe we'll be looked upon as the hippy parents of the future?! ;)(but we won't be sleep deprived, eh?!) I figure that they will want their own space eventually so I'm not too bothered.

  2. I've been there and I've done that five times. That sounds as patronizing as hell and I don't mean it to be at all! Alex starts off upstairs but usually ends up in between us in the middle of the night. (he's 7 and autistic) I've ended up at the end of the bed and have had my ear peed into. (both of my boys don't like clothes when they that a boy thing?!) Our issues are wandering in the middle of the night (outside!) and my need for decent sleep. Anandi, I would say do what works best for you and your babies. We moved to our new house a while back but the twins always slept together. They have their own rooms but they still migrate to each others rooms. Nine times out of ten I will find all 3 in the same room and snuggled around each other. (or around us!) I know this will change but I'm not worried too much as long as I have sleep.

  3. LOL embrace your inner crunchy mama :)

    Sleep is verrrrrrry important and that girl is super clever!

  4. I so understand where you are coming from. Miss Three has evicted her father at this stage from our bed and will only sleep with me. She will not let me sleep somewhere else and sleep with Daddy. I agree it won't be forever but sometimes it really feels like it.

  5. Aww! I miss those days when our girls slept with us :)

  6. Whew...I remember those days! When our youngest was born, I was sooo sleep deprived. We tried everything. What really worked was putting him NOT in the little cradle at the end of our bed but in a separate room where *I* didn't hear every fingernail scratching the sheets, every move and slight whimper, etc. I decided it was ME who was waking at the slightest noise, THINKING he was beginning to wake. lol

    Enjoy these sleep-deprived days anyway. They ARE fleeting. :)

  7. Yes enjoy every day they grow up so fast. I still love when my girls come to cuddle with me.

  8. My children (all six of them) have slept with us and still have gone int heir beds relatively easily when the time came but not as tiny babies... some nights we will have a bed full by morning but with two now teens I know how fast this all goes by and I am cherishing the nights my one year old wants to stay all night cuddling with us :)

  9. I agree that some battles are not worth the fight - I always give in when the easier option equals more sleep! x

  10. And I thought sleeping with my cat was tough. I admire you for trying something and being okay with letting things go the "natural" way. Being zen about it may just help you in the long'll certainly get better sleep.

  11. We've done it all with L, including co-sleeping for at least part of the night. He still ends up back in our bed on early weekend mornings while we TRY to get another hour (he does not cooperate). Honestly, when he really snuggled in and slept with us, it was awesome and I miss it.

  12. I'm right there with you and am enjoying it or else I'd just be frustrated!


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