Sunday, April 09, 2006

And he shall reign forever and ever...

Those of you reading this are no strangers to my gazillion attempts to eat right and workout on a regular schedule in attempt to get down to, and maintain a healthy weight.

After the trip to Hawaii and resulting weight splooge, TJ and I solemnly swore we would stop eating out. Or at least severely curtail that practice. We were really good that first week - we only went out to dinner once, and I think I may have gone out to lunch once. That paid off and I lost 3 lbs. (Amazing how cause and effect works!)

This week hasn't been quite as virtuous though it's been better than the average week. I have managed to stick to (more or less) the Weight Watchers recommended plan for the week. I so love tracking this stuff online and not having to go to the bitch and moan meetings in person. You're in a room full of supposedly supportive strangers all in various stages of weight loss. People share "tips" like "Keep a can of vegetables in your desk drawer for an easy snack". Gross! My all-time favorite was when I was doing WW in college (before the Internet y'all), when some lady talked about how she kept a spoon in her purse for grocery shopping, where she would pick up a carton of ice cream and eat it while she shopped, putting the empty container down to pay for it at the end. I mean, get a grip, people!

Maybe I'm insensitive, but I guess the reason why I've tried to do this so many times is that I just get bored, or lazy, not because of some compulsion to eat a lot. It is a drag to carefully monitor everything you eat, and write it all down (or in my case, enter it on a website). Since I don't want to do this again, and would like to make permanent healthy changes to my diet, I've been trying to actually eat the recommended number of servings of dairy (2-3 per day) and fruits/veggies (5+) and thinking about that is kind of annoying. I'd almost always prefer a giant hunk of bread or cheese rather than an orange or some broccoli. I'm trying to get myself to enjoy eating balanced meals instead of processed garbage. Unfortunately the processed crap is much faster to prepare, since I'm not a fan of salads or raw vegetables. So this really is a lifestyle change more than a diet. (or a "menu" as the skinnyjeans blog gal talks about).

And it's been a bit hard on my social life, too. Most of my socializing at work is over lunch or coffee. Coffee I can still do - chai latte has a whole serving of milk in it and I've got the yummy sugar-free stuff from Oregon Chai! Lunch is more difficult. I usually bring a frozen meal or something I've cooked and chow down at my desk. It does save money and time, though, so I guess all is not lost. And I've just got to get better at coming up with *other* things to do besides eating, when I meet friends. Which would be possible if it *ever* stopped raining around here.

The even better news is that I'm hating the gym just a tiny bit less than usual. I have managed to work out 6 days this week. A few days I've lifted weights and walked on our treadmill at home, and the rest I actually went to the gym.

Part of me is embarassed to see my old trainer Nelson, and my old "Cardio Explosion" instructor James because they always say hi to me and ask me how I'm doing. And I'm always thinking "well, I'm 20 lbs heavier than I was a year ago, and I'm sure they see that" and I get all low-self-esteemish and mumble and try to get out of there as quickly as possible. When in all honesty, I'm sure they don't notice, or don't care. (It also doesn't help that a lot of my cute workout clothes don't fit anymore so I feel like a schmo in my oversize Caltech T-Shirt.)

I could go back to working out with them, but I just have the gut feeling that it wouldn't work. As we got close to our wedding last year, I was seriously hating my workouts with Nelson. They definitely were challenging and pushed me to my limits, but I just wasn't enjoying them. And Nelson didn't really get why I couldn't just eat the same thing every day and follow the prescribed low carb plan to the letter. I'm sure I was a very frustrating client. I knew what to do, and just wasn't doing it. Not because I had any "issues" to overcome, except my own laziness.

I hated that meal plan. It was definitely not something I could sustain, though I definitely try to eat more protein and will still drink the occasional protein meal-replacement shake when I'm not hungry but know I need some kind of nutrition.

But something feels just a tiny bit different this time. I'm not on a deadline, like I was for the wedding. Heck, I'm not even trying to be skinny before my 30th birthday, since that's already passed, and really, who does anything interesting for their 31st? I really, really like my life. I have a supercool, fantastic husband who seems to like me too, and two dogs who wouldn't care if I weighed 300 lbs as long as I took them to the park occasionally. We have a house that we love, and jobs that are interesting and challenging, not to mention flexible enough to accomodate an 8am workout so I don't have to get up at the crack of dawn. So really, with that all in place, what more do I need to help me just work on this last thing that's really been bugging me? I realize I'm really, really lucky to have this kind of life and I'm as set up for success as I ever will be. So now it's time to just sort this problem out once and for all.

Woo hoo! And once it's all done and I've settled on a nice final goal weight that I can comfortably maintain, I am going on the mother of all shopping sprees for cute clothes. I can't wait! (Except that I can, because it's going to take me a while to get there...)

1 comment:

  1. I'm sure things'll work out. I'd guess you're like me: anytime I'm about to undertake a change (or even think you need to), I go and mentally prep and overthink it, which does nothing but prevent me from just doing the best thing I could: simply take the first step, and go one day at a time without thinking and analyzing things to death. Ugh, bad sentence, hope it makes sense.

    As for personal trainers, I tried one recently since it came free with a gym membership. I dunno if it's because California is such a fitness-crazed place, but the guy put me on a circuit training routine that I think was over my head and irresponsible. The first time he showed me how to work each machine, I nearly fainted from overexertion. That's _never_ happened to me before under any circumstances. Then when I tried it later on my own (with more breaks between machines and less weights), I pulled something in my back that hurt for a week. So much for personal trainers. I don't think they're all that responsible, and a friend's wife who's a physical therapist swears the best thing to do is stay away from them. I really dislike those machines anyway, and getting injured sure didn't help to change my mind! -LL


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