So close you can almost taste it

So I only have one day of work left. I've written up my transition document, informed my customers, sent the obligatory 'goodbye' email to my teammates, brought my minifridge and framed art home, and mostly cleaned out my desk. It's weird how attached you can get to a place after less than a year. I guess when you spend 40+ hours a week somewhere, and with work as important as it is in our culture, it's bound to happen.

So I'm a little sad about it. Especially since I was there for less than a year. But I really believe that if something isn't working, then I need to take responsibility for it and change it. I could have waited a year, but that would have been artificial, because at that point I still would have been (even more?) frustrated with the commute, and definitely would have craved new challenges.

I think going to Caltech really changed me and the way I approach work (or school). I thrive when I'm in an environment where I feel like I need to be "on" all the time, or where I have to WORK HARD to do well. Where I feel slightly behind all the time. So if I take a class that's easy, or a job that's manageable, I somehow feel like it's not "enough" for me. My little brain is used to working overtime just to keep up, so I need to keep it constantly running.

And yeah, I realize this sounds like me bragging about how smart I am. But you know what? I'm proud of what I can do.

I'm tired of seeing women keep their mad skillz, intelligence and their competence at work quiet, hoping that their managers "will just notice" the great job they're doing.

Many of the men I've worked with, *regardless of how competent they are*, will take any opportunity to toot their own horn and let people know about the projects they've finished, the deals they've closed, or customer accounts they saved from cancellation. I've seen far too many less-than-competent guys brag about their (dubious) accomplishments, and not nearly enough of my amazing female co-workers telling people about the great things they did.

Sometimes saving up all those accomplishments for that annual review form that only your manager sees is just too late.

I know this goes against everything women are taught growing up: "be nice, don't brag, be quiet and do what the teacher tells you, follow the directions". But the longer I work, the more I realize that the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and the raises, and the promotions.

I'm not advocating a full-scale spam assault of every single accomplishment, but in my new job, I'm going to try to speak up a little more, *even when I'm surrounded by higher level folks*, increase my visibility and not just be a good girl and do what my manager tells me. So far my experiments with asking for what I want have worked (flexible work arrangements, more responsibility, promotion, etc.)

I'll let you know how it goes.

And by the way, I'm not "calling out" anyone in my current job. It's just an observation I've made now that I've had some introspective time to figure out what I want from my career.

It's so easy, so damn easy

So I promised Wendi that I'd post pictures of my sewing class projects. Now that it's almost time for my 3rd class, I had better post what I made last week!

The first project last Wednesday was this little tissue pack holder. For this project, we learned to measure and cut 4 4x6 inch rectangles from scrap fabric using the rotary cutter and quilting ruler.



Now, I'm not a fan of fabric cozies for things that don't really need a cover, so I'm trying to think of a good use for this. In the right size and with a smaller opening it would make a decent iPod holder or phone cozy.

But the really cool thing for me was learning how this was put together. You iron two of the rectangles in half lengthwise, and place them on top of the other two rectangles, and then sew around the perimeter of the whole thing. So when you're making it, it looks like this:



Then you cut out the corner bits to reduce the bulk, and flip the whole thing inside out so that it looks all neat and clean. You don't even need to trim all the wooly threads from the end of the fabric because it's all hidden. I had no idea that's how things were made!

And on another note, my total lack of spatial visualization and relationship ability is haunting me in a major way with the sewing.

In order to cut the fabric with the rotary (pizza) cutter, I need to use my right hand, and you need to put the ruler on the left, on top of the fabric. But you have to orient/flip everything so you can measure it properly and cut the length you want. It takes me a couple of tries to really figure out where I need to put everything (fabric, ruler, hand, cutter). I just can't see it in my head, without actually trying it out to see if that's where I need to cut/position. I honestly think that part of my brain is just missing.

When I was in high school, I took an "engineering aptitude test" that consisted of a ton of visual questions like this. They'd show you a diagram of a 3-D box, and ask you what it would look like if you cut along certain lines and flattened it out.

Or they'd show you the flattened version of a shape and asked what it would look like if you folded it along the bold lines. I remember just sitting there in shock, having NO EARTHLY IDEA what to answer, because I just couldn't see it. It was crazy, especially since I have mad standardized test-taking skillz. But apparently not *any* spatial relationship skills at all.

So that's going to be rough with the sewing, but I'm hoping I'll get better with practice. As long as I don't have to sew a 3-D pyramid, I should be fine!

Tomorrow night is placemats and potholders. Yippeee!

They don't make em like this anymore

Woo hoo! I just sold a set of my Elements of Bling magnets. I'm so totally stoked about it, since they are an original design that just came to me in that place between awake and asleep. And because they're geeky, I love them even more.

Oh, and today I held hands in the car with a cute boy who wasn't my husband. (Shocking!)

So I must confess. The cute boy was Pierce, my friend Aimee's adorable 18-month-old son. He likes to hold hands while he watches his Baby Einstein video in the PimpMobile (oops, I mean the Escalade). And of course, I can't resist a boy in a cute hat. Don't tell TJ, because he might get jealous!

Bend me break me anyway you need me

Note to self: do not post after having 3 glasses of wine... Last night's post has been unceremoniously removed. Though I did get to play Rock Band on the XBOX last night (omg, was I really singing in front of a room full of people?!) and I have to say I LOVED it.

Lazy Sunday here, and finally the sun came out after a couple of days of snow, sleet and crazy hail interludes. Since the dogs were getting stir-crazy we went to the park in the hail. It was surprisingly fun, maybe because I actually put on all my woolies and managed to stay pretty warm and dry despite the horrendously craptastic weather that passes for spring in these parts.

Now Peanut and I are relaxing in front of the fireplace, because TJ so nicely made a fire for us. I love these quiet afternoons.

I started advertising my Etsy shop last week on Project Wonderful, which is a site that lets you place bids on ad space for just a few cents. You can put a cap on your daily spending, or spending for the whole campaign, so you don't go overboard. I've now seen my ads on various blogs all over the world, and definitely have gotten some clicks, which is cool. (No sales yet, though, since I started advertising.)

I put a couple of PW ad spaces on my own blog here (scroll down to the bottom of the page to see them). So in a few days, I should be able to see other people "bidding" for the space on my ad boxes. Hopefully I can get to a nice steady-state where the few cents I make from my ad space can be reinvested into advertising my Etsy shop on this network. That would be too cool.

It's so hard to say goodbye

So one of the disadvantages of blogging is that I can't talk about certain things, given that this is ON THE INTERNET. You all know about people being "dooced", ie fired for things they wrote on their blog. Of course, now Dooce is probably one of the most popular blogs on the Internet, so it's probably just as well that she was fired because now she actually supports her family with her blog. It's a crazy world out there, kids.

Anyway, one of the things I couldn't write about because it wasn't public knowledge at work yet, is that in a few weeks I'm leaving my tiny downtown startup company to go back to Microsoft.

I gave notice earlier this week, and oh my gosh, it was like that horrible bad breakup conversation you have when you're just not that into the relationship. It was a complete surprise to my manager, who by the way is FREAKIN' AWESOME, and that made it so much worse. I've had horrible, awful managers, and ok managers, and a handful of really really good ones, and Alan is one of the best. Which made this whole process even more gut-wrenching.

So what's the deal? It's not my boss, or the company itself. It's the damn commute. I should have listened to EVERYONE (including my always-right husband) when they told me I'd hate it after a while. But no, I'm one of those people who has to make and experience her own mistakes. I guess you could say I'm an experimentalist rather than a theoretician :)

Besides the stupid commute, I'm kind of having one of those internal arguments about ambition, wanting it all, etc. I am one of those Type A people. I'm not competitive, but I expect to do my best, and to put my all into whatever I do. So as much as I should just focus on OTHER THINGS now and keep the job on the back burner, I just can't do it. Apparently that's the mark of a nerd, to get all obsessive about whatever project is in front of your nose at any given time. Grrr.

So the opportunity at Microsoft is going to be pretty challenging, and probably somewhat stressful, but as far as my career goes, it's a really good move for me. I'll be working on a team with folks I used to work with back in 2003-4 so it's a known quantity, but the work itself is cross-company, which has all that "visibility" and other stuff.

Oh, and I get my Pro Club membership back. For that I CANNOT wait.